When you have a cat, and he is a very bad cat, what is the best solution to remedy the situation? Why, it is to throw a second cat at the first cat, of course.
I had a professor in University about ten years ago who taught my Shakespeare class. She would veer off topic on extended monologues about her childhood in Russia, and she once told us the story about her method for finding lost jacks. If she could not find one from her set, she would throw another jack across the room, and more often than not, when she went to retrieve her second jack she would find the first sitting nearby.
My professor claimed that some solutions, while they may not be logically reasonable, seem intuitively practical.
Enter this brilliant idea to throw a second cat with an indeterminate personality at the first cat with a decidedly needy and stupid personality in an effort to balance out the mammaliam relationships in our household.
We embarked on our journey to get the new kitten on Sunday afternoon. I thought it would a good idea to fortify ourselves with burgers at a local burger joint, Burger Baron, that I had never been to.
The Fiery One read a newspaper, which had some of the most concise and to-the-point journalism that I've had the pleasure to come across.Fiery One's finger-licking in the background, and my fountain drink was just as watery as I like it.
We put the carrier down in the middle of the living room and let Oskar discover the new kitten on his own. As soon as Oskar saw that there was a kitten in his carrier, he began the slowest creep around the living room that has ever been creeped by a housecat. It was very Mork-esque à la the slow motion time warps from "Mork & Mindy". After about an hour of this, he finally screwed up enough courage to get within three feet of the carrier. The new cat, who is one smart kitten, was perfectly happy to stay in the carrier and out of Oskar's reach.
And here is the new kitten sitting on our windowsill and likely wondering if it's true that he has to live with that dweeb who keeps crying on the floor.
That's right. Oskar's podiaphilia is no longer visited solely upon my feet. The new cat's paws are apparently for Oskar's pleasure, as well, or at least they are for a couple of minutes at a time before the new cat rally's and sticks a claw or two in his face.
I have to admit that seeing tufts of Oskar's fur rolling across the hardwood during his battles with the new cat is deeply satisfying. Take that, freak. Is it wrong to take pleasure in allowing the new kitten to commit acts against Oskar that the law doesn't allow me to commit for reason of humane treatment?