Orphaned Titles

I write most of my weblog posts using Google Docs. I find that it is the best way to create documents that I can pull up from any computer any time. It saves me from worrying about people finding the writing I do over lunch on a work computer or littering my mother-in-law's laptop in Cosmopolis with half-finished missives.

I have a problem, though. I open up new documents and give them titles as reminders to myself about the things I want to write but do not presently have the time for. I always believe that the title will be enough to clue me in on what was so important that I did not want to forget, and I am often wrong. Here are ten titles that I am sure have what could have been scintillating tales behind them:

  • I Once Went A-Bushwhacking: I must have, because I do not usually lie to myself when I leave mysef notes. I did not know that I was so woodsy.

  • How to Keep One's Mitts About Them: I wish I knew now what I knew then, because my mittens, they have all left me.

  • Green Bean Salad: A Sugar High with Vitamins: My mother makes a mean green bean salad, but I do not remember ever getting high from it. Maybe she knows something she's not telling me.

  • Truth in Advertising: As in, how there isn't?

  • The Cat Who Sang Canaries: I would like to trade Oskar in for that cat, because rather than singing canaries, he barfs up brown food juice on my dirty underwear.

  • It's All Teeth Out There: Ow! The world is sharp and pointy!

  • I Am Sure That Everything You Want to Know About Me Is Right Here on My Body: When I go to my first therapy session, I will just show up naked then. It will save me the trouble of having to explain that I wet the bed until I was seven and used to believe that meteors were direct messages from God to let me know that I was special.

  • Scott and the Improbable Three-Way: I barely remember the incident to which this title refers, but I do know that it did not involve a three-way. I'm sorry, Scott.

  • Things That Make Other Things More Funny: Did I mean something like how when other people bite the inside of their own face, I laugh? But when it makes food fall out of their mouth, I laugh harder? Because that is more funny.

  • I Remember Taking a Bus: I do! I do remember taking a bus! Wow. We have so much in common, me and I.
  • Do you have a stash of orphaned titles? If you do, tell me one of them. They write their own punchlines.

    I am a participant in NaBloPoMo 2008, a challenge to write 30 posts in 30 days during the month of November. "National Blog Posting Month is the epicenter of daily blogging!"

    Some Things Just Aren't Meant To Be

    Accomplishments On This Lovely Friday Morning