I Was Right, And Ms Depressive Sigh Face Lady Was Wrong. Or I Was Wrong. And Right. No, I Am Totally Right.

I was packaging up a pair of new shoes at the tail end of a transaction with a customer at my day job, and we were filling in the space with words the way we do.

"The weather's terrible," the customer said.

"Still?" I said.

"Yeah," she said, shaking her head slowly back and forth. "That's it. Summer's gone." Her chest shrunk as she exhaled.

It was like I was actually face to face with the woe-is-me voice inside my own head. It was really irritating.

"Well, it's cold and rainy right now, but we always get that last bit of summer before it really gets cold." I felt compelled to offer Ms Depressive Sigh Face Lady some hope. She was irritating, but she was also the personification of one of my inner dialogues. I couldn't leave myself looking so hang-dog like that.

"Huh," she said.

"Is there a problem with the debit machine?"

"No. You're one of those positive people."


"You're one of those positive people. You think we're going to get nice weather again this year."

"Well, maybe. I'm hoping. We usually do."

"We won't, but it's nice that you think so."

Bitch was mocking me, right? I was sure she was mocking me, and this made her extra irritating, the kind of irritating where I wanted to unload the stapler into her eyeballs, because she was personifying yet another of my negative internal dialogues.

First, she'd done the one where I get all down before the weather actually turns really cold because the weather is eventually going to turn really cold, and now she was doing the one where I mock nice people who have nothing but nice things to say. When the universe appears to line up a series of needling events like this, it nearly makes this atheist believe in a vengeful, Old Testament kind of God, the kind of God that takes joy in holding up the mirror to what a miserable prick I can be.

"Well, anyway, I'm sure we'll at least get some sun before winter sets in."

"Sure we will," the customer said sarcastically as she walked out of the store. With her eyeballs bleeding. From my unloaded stapler. Which totally never happened. Because it would be completely crazy go nuts for me to attack Ms Depressive Sigh Face Lady with a stapler just because God she was maliciously accidentally personifying a couple of my life's looping laugh tracks.

I just couldn't let this go, though, and it was bugging me for days until I saw this weather projection on the Environment Canada weather website today. This weather projection means that Ms Depressive Sigh Face Lady's look of personal satisfaction at having one over on the cup-half-full person, me, who is totally not a cup-half-full person, was hollow:


See, I WAS RIGHT. We're going to get some SUNSHINE. And HEAT.

Of course, if she is representative of two of my habitual internal dialogues, then I am only right against myself, but that's less fun.

So let's just take some satisfaction in the fact that I WAS RIGHT.


Five Star Friday's 121st Edition Is Brought to You By Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Designing In Spite of the Cold That Is Eating the Inside of My Face