How the Regina Police Came to Know That I'm Not Wearing Any Pants


Our heroine, Schmutzie, fidgets nervously this morning, visibly shaken after a stranger tried unsuccessfully to enter her home through the back door.

SCHMUTZIE: I need to report a guy who was trying all the doors in my building. He's gone now, though.

POLICE: What happened?

SCHMUTZIE: At first I thought he was one of my neighbours, because we share a snow shovel that's just inside my back entry, but he tried my doorknob several times over about five minutes.

POLICE: What did he look like?

SCHMUTZIE: He was of average build, average weight, average height, brownish hair, dark hoodie. He looked like everyone. I didn't get to see his face.

POLICE: I'll send out a broadcast for your area, and we'll be in contact if we need any more information.


POLICE: You're welcome.


POLICE: What can I help you with?

SCHMUTZIE: Will there be any officers stopping by or anything like that?

POLICE: It's not likely. Would you like them to?

SCHMUTZIE: No. I work from home, and I was just wondering if I should put on a pair of pants.



POLICE: Pants?

SCHMUTZIE: Yes. Will I be needing pants?

POLICE: Um, you should be fine as you are.

SCHMUTZIE: Thank you!


And that is how the Regina Police came to know that, while I do not see fit to wear pants while I work or even while I am under threat of break and entry, I will consider putting on a pair to greet one of their officers.

I am nothing if not respectful. When Procrastination Collides With My General Pantslessness

I Am Still Here