anus alley
Anus Alley

Cactus Jelly tagged me. Go thwack her with soft mallets.

There are forty-eight questions. I figure that I've got about twenty-four questions worth of concentration this evening, so this will be a two-parter.

Don't hate me because I'm meme-y.

  1. First name?
    You've got to be kidding. Why would I risk being called anything but Schmutzie?

  2. Were you named after anyone?
    My original first name is after an early 1970s folk singer, but that is neither here nor there, because that's between me and the real-lifers.

  3. Do you wish on stars?
    When I was a kid, I used to wish on stars that my Venusian mother would come down in her spaceship to take me away from that devil suburbia, but now I am as likely to wish on anything I come across that I deem somewhat rare: for example, a non-Canadian coin, a cat's whisker, or a diaper pin.

  4. When did you last cry?
    It was sometime within the last week, but it was because I couldn't stop yawning. The tears itched when they dribbled into my ears.

  5. Do you like your handwriting?
    Yes, I do. I fashioned it myself when I found that the traditional cursive writing I was taught in grade four would do better with some simplification.

  6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
    Turkey, but only when I am not being revolted by the thought of lunch meat.

  7. When is your birthday?
    December 29th.
  8. .
  9. What is your most embarrassing cd?
    A cd of biblical teachings that I received from a family friend still sits in its original cellophane. I can't find it in me to throw it out yet.

  10. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
    I have always had this feeling that I might find myself somewhat abrasive if I just met myself. After acclimatizing, though, I think we'd be fine with ourselves.

  11. Do you have a journal?
    Aside from this one, I also keep a paper journal in a moleskine notebook. It's used for a little bit of everything. I draw in it, write poetry, keep grocery lists of things to do, collect telephone numbers, and paste in sticky notes. Mostly, I forget to write stuff down, and it floats around in the bottom of my bag collecting tobacco and old receipts.

  12. Would you bungee jump?
    No. That is completely outside my set of urges. I would hang-glide, though.

  13. What is your favorite cereal?
    Raisinless granola if it's around, but I generally don't buy cereal because it costs far too much for very little food value.

  14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
    Not usually. I step on the backs and force them off, even if it hurts a little or they're nice leather or they happen to be boots.

  15. Do you think that you are strong?
    Physically, I am a lot stronger than my lack of activity would suggest. Emotionally, I think that I'm a wreck a lot, but really, I come out pretty well in the wash.

  16. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
    Toasted sesame. It is really a flavour, and it tastes harmoniously like two of my favourite things at once: toast and ice cream.

  17. Shoe size?
    7.5 or 8, depending on the shoe.

  18. Red or pink?

  19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
    My body hair is a persistent, ever-thickening, coarse mass that will stop for no man.

  20. Who do you miss the most?
    My dear old friend Chelsea from my Cosmopolian days. Her brain worked its own route through and around things like none other I have known. My notebooks miss her drawings and poetry, and I miss that glint in her eye just before she does something bad.

  21. Do you want everyone you send this to to send it back?
    Does that mean I want them to do it? Because I'm not particularly stoked about spending the next while reading variations of the same list. Will I still tag some people? Definitely. I like pain.

  22. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
    I am wearing cords in a softer shade of lime and no shoes. With my shoes and socks off, my leg hair peeks out from the end of my pantleg in the most alluring way.

  23. Last thing you ate?
    A chick pea, tomato, onions, and rosemary concoction that the Fiery One calls "The Goop".

  24. What are you listening to right now?
    Andrew Bird.

I shall tag three, and three, they shall be tagged, and they shall temper their ire with hearts softened by the knowledge that this, too, shall pass:

"Counting What the Cactus Contains" by Pattiann Rogers

The Haircut