I have the great privilege of having some very hot friends.

That sounds wrong. They also have fabulous personalities and are good conversationalists, so even if I was blind I would like to hang out with them, but I am not blind, and so I happen to also be drawn to their slim necks, bodacious ta-tas, and wicked segzy, lip-curling smiles.

Note in the following photograph how the flowers on Knuckle Toes' dress look like yellow muppet hands come to sneak a boob fondling. Bert is a letchy perv.

K at the start of summer

And take a look at this fair woman. I am going to write a song called "Hot Profs", and it is going to go something like this: My professor is so hot / she sets my textbook on fie-yuh / I never knew that Hawthorne / could fill me with such de-zye-yuh. As you can likely tell, there is a reason I don't write song lyrics, but you get my drift.

stripy lady

I got nothin' else. My ladies are hot. With that extra T that people used to add onto hot to express extra hotness.

And, in an effort to create a cliffhangery ending that will have you biting your nails and sucking back your colas to ward off anxiety-induced dry mouth, remember to tune in tomorrow for some big news. BIG NEWS.

No, I won't tell you all about it now, because my HUGE, CRAZY NEWS is demanding that I go drink much beer and make a public spectacle of myself. I can only hope my mascara does that fancy slide move down my face to make the whole thing truly memorable.

In fact, my news could make some of the personal news out there look flaccid. Did you catch that penis reference? My news is so impressive that it not unlike an erection of obscene proportions. Stay tuned.

A Fat Rant

"Touch Of Evil" opening shot (1958) - directed by Orson Welles